Cigarette Chair

Dear Letter Gram,

Today I went on a walk and was feeling my luteal phase to an extreme level. I sat in the park near my house, whilst my dog sniffed and ate grass nearby. I sat with my face towards the sun and therefore squinted my eyes, feeling the heat hit my face in the cold early spring of Melbourne. When I looked down at the ground, seeing light cloudy patches and bubbles in my vision from the sun, I saw a large scatter of used cigarettes right underneath me. I wondered if I too, should have a cigarette in my hand, and then crush it underneath me in the dirt after I finished. I stared at all the cigarettes for a long time, and wondered if the same person had smoked all of them, or if it was a community tradition that I was unaware of. I noticed that they were all the same brand of cigarette, as they all had warnings like "POISON IN EVERY PUFF" written on what was left on the poison. This made me more inclined to believe it was the same person who was smoking all these cigarettes. I wondered if it was the man who I sometimes saw sitting on the bench and dissociating, but I couldn't remember if I had ever seen him smoke, or if my imagination made that up. After I pondered this for a little while longer, I tried to do a headstand, then felt annoyed I got grass in my hair, and went back home.

Until next time,

Emma