cyclical passion, joy, sadness and loss.

Many women can probably relate to what I am about to write. As you can guess by the title, I am going to discuss my cycle, mostly in the way it affects my work ethic, creativity, mental health, and motivation. lets start where it all beings. The follicular phase. (By the way, this post is not just for women. Men need to learn this too). Anyway. Right after my period, I feel the best I have ever felt in my life. I have so much joy, energy, passion. I can swat away negative thoughts like they're a little cute fly in my room. And it's perfect that I have actually timed my letter gram process with my cycle. (I did this unintentionally but it probably just worked out that way because I was actually motivated to launch it during my follicular phase). Then, comes the ovulation phase. People hype up ovulation too much. The first half is okay. But I don't enjoy this time. My body feels like it's being controlled by the government somehow and I can feel the sudden jolt in my hormones waiting just around the corner. Not to mention the ovulation cramps that feels like a knife has just stabbed you in your left ovary. The luteal phase feels like every day has always felt like a luteal phase day. It feels like; 'I've always felt this anxious, unmotivated, disgusting and depressed in my whole entire life. I should recut my bangs but I just know I'll hate myself more and I also can't be bothered anyway.' Then comes the feelings of insecurity, snapping at your boyfriend because he's breathing too loud, and feeling your heart physically ache as you sob at videos of strangers on your phone. Then, finally, your period arrives. The cramps and blood dripping out of you is somewhat a relief for the insanity you were feeling a day ago. Ahh, it all makes sense now. You still cry during your period, but at least you feel a sense of validity now. You feel a strange sense of peace and serenity. And then, it all starts again. And again, and again and again.